It has always seemed to me that fighting the Battle of Agincourt was a rather peculiar way to go about wooing a French princess. From all the films I've seen about Henry V it appears that Princess Kath was already doing a crash course in English even before the battle.

Furthermore she was learning English words for parts of the anatomy with "des fingers, der elbow," etc., etc. Why wasn't she learning "the pen of my aunt is on the bureau of my uncle" like other French girls? Obviously she was either after our Henry or else intending to head for Harley Street for a couple of up-lifts.

I wouldn't mind betting that she already had a few copies of the portrait "Henry V by an unknown artist" decorating the walls of her bed chamber. After the Battle of Agincourt they probably decorated her pottie de chambre!

It would have been much more sensible if our Henry had turned up on her doorstep one Saturday night with a few flowers and a box of Cadbury's Milk Tray and whisked her off to the back row of L'Odeon Francais. A pint of ale and a packet of pork scratchings afterwards would have had this French filly eating out of his hand! The change in the course of history would have been no different.

What Monmouth should celebrate is the way Henry thrashed Owain Glyndwr and his band of Welsh hooligans. It appears that this Glyndwr chap was the sort of bloke who had eight pints on a Friday night and wanted to fight the Russians. Unfortunately Russia was even further away in those days so he kept upsetting the English. Three or four times he smashed up the Henry IV (there wasn't a Henry V in Monnow Street before 1412). Today he'd be banned from all the pubs in town!

The way Henry sorted out the Welsh had a greater effect on history that the Battle of Agincourt. So let us honour Henry V and resolve that the Welsh flag will never again fly on our Shire Hall above the head of Henry V.

J Falstaff

(Name and address